We Can Live Lives We Actually Choose: How The Wayfinders Life Began
If you’ve made your way to this post, you probably know that I’m obsessed with personal growth and learning - especially if it involves digging into the complex areas of our human nature. And yes, I’ve always been this way - but just because we want to do the work, the growth, and the learning, doesn’t mean we don’t also get stuck.
I’ve been stuck many, many times.
I’ve been a perfectionist and people-pleaser. I’ve suffered low self-confidence and been void of self-love. I’ve been a bit of a control freak who needs everything to be organized, planned, and safe.
Wherever we get stuck, there will come a time in our lives where our baggage comes to a head and nearly suffocates us.
For me, this happened when I became a new parent. I didn’t think I had time for me and my development anymore, as my life became suddenly and squarely focused on the needs of others. I threw myself into this new role of service to my family:
Follow the routine.
Meet the expectations.
Organize the stuff of adult life.
I was go-go-go every day, and crashed into bed exhausted each night. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d lost my way somewhere. I worried that this tired, busy life, with no semblance of work/life balance, was my “new normal.”
I worried that one day I’d wake up living a life I’d stumbled into, instead of one I chose.
I didn’t see any other options, except for those of the inspirational, turn-your-life-upside-down variety:
sell everything and live in a tiny house!
quit your job and become a nomad!
be a reality-show project and have your life transformed!
There had to be another way… right?
I started writing and wondering about these dilemmas, and I learned that so many of us resist this particular story. More importantly, I learned that sharing our struggles and being honest with our questions makes them feel a lot lighter.
I became a certified coach practitioner and began helping people re-frame their own narrative.
I learned to ask “why” whenever life laid down a status quo default, and to counter every time my inner critic said, “you can’t just do that” with —
“Well, what if I just did?”
What if I could decide what I truly wanted, and then make the life I was already living more in line with that? What if I didn’t have to turn everything upside down, but could keep the parts that I loved, and just make the other parts more awesome, too? (What if I could, in fact, have my cake and eat it, too - which is the whole fucking point of cake?!)
I started digging deep into who I want to be as a person, parent, and partner. I began making small adjustments that don’t seem like much at first, but which add up to enormous shifts in the way I see my daily life, the way I show up for my kids, and the way I feel about my partner.
Sometimes it’s hard to reconcile my people-pleasing, expectation-meeting, hard-on-myself past with who I feel like I am today. I’m learning about being present, feeling true joy, being okay with uncertainty and paradox… all that good, juicy stuff. And the work is hard sometimes - there’s no doubt about that. But it’s so very worth it.
I couldn’t have made the progress without the supportive, awesome people I have in my life - I am forever grateful to them, and will be as I continue. We are all works in progress.
The Wayfinders Life is my invitation to other curious, deep-digging humans to come and do your own wondering, re-framing and shifting, with me. I’m so happy you’re here.